you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
