wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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