If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
