My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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