Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
