he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
