Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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