"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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