we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
