At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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