i'm signing you up for texting rehab
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
