Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
