haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
