How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
