So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
