I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We don't watch enough power rangers
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
