u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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