I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
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i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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