2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
