Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
