I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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