i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
