If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
