bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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