You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
