my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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