Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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