I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
