sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
