I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
