I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
