i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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