we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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