One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
