I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
