Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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