A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
