We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
