I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
