Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
