Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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