your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
