Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize