i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
