I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
