Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The beer is more important than you right now.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
