I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
