how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
