The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
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Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
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it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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