whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
