Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
