my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
