He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
