She went from zero to smokin in five shots
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
