I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
