this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
