I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize