thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
