he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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